The first hours after a cancer diagnosis change everything. In my consultations, I constantly notice that it's not the medical questions that are most pressing during these hours. It's the very small, very human ones.
If you have received the diagnosis yourself
Breathe. It's okay to be silent. In the first few hours, you don't have to explain anything to anyone, comfort anyone, or make any decisions. You are allowed to take your time.
A patient once told me: "It took me three days before I could even say it out loud." That's perfectly fine. Words will come when they're ready.
If a loved one has received the diagnosis
First things first: You don't have to do anything "right." There are no perfect words. What there are, are words that show: I am here.
Avoid things that sound comforting but rarely help: "It'll be fine," "Be strong," "I know someone who went through the same thing." Instead, just say: "I'm here. You don't have to reply."
Three phrases that almost always help
1. "I can barely imagine what you're feeling right now – but I'm walking this path with you."
2. "You don't have to explain anything to me. Just tell me what would help you today."
3. "I'll bring you soup tomorrow. You don't have to open the door, I'll leave it outside."
What matters at the end of the day
It doesn't matter if you find the right words. What matters is that you don't stop holding on to the person – even if neither of you has any words right now. Silence is also a form of being there.
If you would like to delve deeper into this topic, you will find a dedicated chapter on the first few days in our eBook "My Journey Through a Cancer Diagnosis".
